You’ve decided to meet for dinner. Things are going well, and you’ve noticed a stunning woman entering the restaurant. Your best bet right now is to look your date in the eyes and ask her a question about herself.
Do not, in any circumstances, look at the pretty woman and say something about how lovely she is or how nice she looks in her outfit! If you do so, you’ll almost certainly never see your date again.
This is only one example of the types of dating disasters that get nice guys into trouble, as well as how to stop them. Even the nicest guys tend to forget the simple rules we’ll discuss here from time to time, insulting and enraging perfectly good dates by mistake.
• Disaster #1 The other sexy woman. Your date is adorable, intelligent, humorous, and pleasant to be around. She’s fantastic. If you’re out with her and see a woman who is incredibly desirable and sexy, you should concentrate on your date rather than on her.
This is difficult to do because men are physically stimulated and want to gaze at attractive women. Most women consider this an insult, particularly if they don’t know you very well. She’ll wonder if you’ll come back if your eyes wander.
You may as well plan on never having another date with the same woman if you spend too much time eyeing other pretty women, or even worse, mentioning other pretty women that you spy while on a date.
• Disaster #2 – You feel compelled to speak about your ex-wives or girlfriends.
Since they’re typically exes for a reason, this has the potential to be catastrophic. Your date is unlikely to care how much you despise your ex (or how much you love the one who got away), or about all the horrible things she did to you.
Your date isn’t your ex, and talking about the bad times would ruin the fun you might be having. Tell your psychiatrist about your worst nightmares. Exes should probably not be brought up unless you have children with an ex and your dating relationship is progressing to the point that you’d like her to meet your children. Until then, say as little as possible about it, and when the topic of past loves comes up, be kind and polite.
• Disaster #3 – You decide to share your opinions on religion, abortion, politics, gun control, international policy, feminism, homosexuality, or some other sensitive issue.
A first date (or any date early in a relationship) is not the time to bring up subjects that are difficult for people to address. If you press the wrong buttons, the date will end sooner than expected. These topics become relevant later in a relationship, but they must be handled with care at first.
• Disaster #4 – On your first date, you plan to bring up the subject of sex.
Leave sex out of the discussion for a while if you’re looking for Mrs. Right for a long-term relationship. She wants to get to know you, and bringing up sex will lead her to believe that’s what you care about – even though that’s not the case. You’re in big trouble if that’s the case.
You must be mindful of the potential for disaster if you want to date successfully. You’ll be well on your way to a second, third, and fourth get-together once you’ve become aware of the issue.