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3 Reasons Why Being Financially Independent is Important In a Relationship

My friend Kathy, a 42-year-old single mother, began dating Brad after meeting him on a dating site.

They exchanged messages and flirted online before agreeing to meet in person.

It seemed to be a done deal in all but name.

Kathy considered this. “I have a positive feeling about this,” she reasoned.

 

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After all, Brad’s profile said that he was a firefighter and helped out at the Little League in his town.

 

Plus, his (already highly flattering) photo featured Brad’s pet Labrador, which, in Kathy’s view, was the deal-clincher for her.

 

And they seemed to get along well from the start.

 

The food was excellent, the beverages were plentiful, and the sparks were certainly flying.

 

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Kathy knew the chemistry was undeniable less than an hour into the date. She was certain Brad was the perfect match.

 

And the bill arrived.

 

Kathy was fully expecting Brad to say something along the lines of, “Don’t worry, I’ve got it…”

 

However, after nervously inspecting the check – and sharing glances – Kathy broke the uncomfortable silence (which felt interminable) by asking, “May I chip in?”

 

Brad said, relieved, “Oh, if you’re okay with that, then I’ll cover my half.” Thanks!”

 

Despite a small twinge of frustration, Kathy agreed to share the bill with him.

 

Who Is Supposed to Pay The Bill in the First Place?

 

They’ve been out a few of times since then, but Kathy is always on the fence about the whole thing.

 

This is why she approached me, seeking my opinion on the case.

 

“On our second date,” Kathy said, “he explained that he had just had his car repaired, which is why he was happy when I offered to split the bill.”

 

“And the good news is that he paid for it immediately, without waiting for me to talk.” Kathy continued.

 

“BUT here’s the thing,” she said, her voice somewhat disappointed, “he kinda reverted to his ‘old ways’ on our third date…”

 

“See, he *did* pick up the bill that time, but he bore the SAME expression as on our first date… You know, the ‘please assist me’ look…”

 

Kathy concluded with a sigh, “Everything would have been perfect had it not been for this whole bill mess… That is, is it even a problem in the first place?”

 

Thus, this is what I said to her:

 

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“In my opinion, he should have picked up the tab on the first date, as he was the one who asked you out. And if you offered to share the bill, he should have insisted on paying – that’s how dating works.”

 

“However, the fact that he attempted to make amends by obtaining the bill AFTER that is a positive sign.”

 

“And you are aware that he is not a millionaire, which might explain why he behaved the way he did on your first and third dates.”

 

“I know a lot of guys who are fearful of money.

 

.. and many of them fear that women would judge them solely on the basis of their income – and nothing else.”

 

Then I said, “If the way he handles the bill offends you, you’d better move on…”

 

“OR, you could take into account all of his great characteristics and give him another chance to prove himself.”

 

“If he proves to be a pathological scrooge, at the very least you tried.”

 

How To Avoid Money Constraints On Your (Dating) Style:

 

As with Kathy, many women lack the power necessary to determine how to proceed in a similar situation.

 

When they lack financial independence, it can really throw their dating lives for a loop…

 

…to say nothing about their relationships.

 

To put it another way, in an ideal world (one in which money is not an issue),…

 

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…a woman will pull out her purse when the bill arrives and then wait for the guy to initiate contact (as he should).

 

And if he agrees to pay, she may simply smile and conclude the transaction.

 

However, if he does not offer to pay, she should be willing to assist – and mean it.

 

And if he accepts her bid, she will pay her share without any repercussions.

 

Later on, she would be able to determine whether the whole situation was simply a miscommunication…

 

…or whether his actions hinted at genuine cheapness.

 

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In any case, it’s prudent to be in a strong financial position regardless of the result – and financial independence is the BEST way to do so.

 

And, in the event that things do get serious, being able to pay for your own belongings provides a strong base for the relationship – and fosters a healthy dynamic between you two.

 

However, what do I mean by that?

 

Consider the following three ways that financial independence (FI) establishes the proper precedent in a relationship:

 

#1: FI Promotes Autonomy (Hint: This is a Good Thing!)

 

Financial experts believe that it is preferable for someone to be financially independent BEFORE entering into a relationship.

 

That is because it results in a smoother and less stressful transition for those involved (financially speaking). There is noticeably less controversy around spending or disagreements about who pays which bill.

 

And if all partners in the partnership have a say in how their money is spent, there will be fewer complaints.

 


#2: FI Establishes a Foundation for Mutual Respect

 

As I previously said, a couple would avoid quarrels about the items they purchase for themselves.

 

If they both earn enough to split the expenses evenly (or, at the very least, agree on a reasonable arrangement),…

 

…at which point they are free to purchase anything they want on their own dime.

 

That means there will be no petty quarrels over the boyfriend’s (or husband’s) taste in classic vinyl records or the girlfriend’s (or wife’s) penchant for designer accessories.

 

As long as the other person’s spending habits do not adversely impact their savings – or way of life – they are likely to be tolerant of the other person’s spending habits.

 


#3: FI Is Long-Term Beneficial

 

Couples that are not dependent on one another generally retain their individual identities.

 

That is, in a financially secure relationship, individuals will relate to and act toward one another on EQUAL terms.

 

Thus, a couple should concentrate on being there for one another and growing together…

 

…without having to deal with the needless burden of financial concerns.

 

And being financially independent eliminates the drama that Mindy endured.

 

As comedian Chris Rock puts it, “wealth isn’t about getting a lot of money; it’s about having a lot of choices.”

 

And when you’re out on a date, FI gives you three options:

 

Allow him to take care of the bill if he offers…

You will pay your share if he prefers that you remain “halfsies”…

Or you could even cover the whole bill…

In any case, you’re fine.

 

If you want to keep dating a man – or keep looking elsewhere…

 

…you understand that your choice is based on self-sufficiency, NOT on neediness.

 

Now, as much as I’d like to discuss the how-of to’s financial independence, that’s a whole different topic…

 

However, I would assert that the world’s richest individuals share a trait.

 

It is not a matter of being born wealthy, attractive, or talented.

 

It’s more HABITS.

 

Thomas C. Corley, a prominent author, and financial authority spent five years of his life researching the practices of almost 200 self-made millionaires.

 

And he asserts that habits distinguish the wealthy from the rest. According to him, the activities we engage in subconsciously account for 40% of our waking hours.

 

That is a SIGNIFICANT amount of time spent on AUTO-PILOT doing tasks – and making decisions.

 

When you think about it, habits are merely mental shortcuts that allow us to make a large number of decisions quickly during the day.

 

This way, we avoid depleting our brain capacity and willpower.

 

As a result, a significant portion of our financial freedom (or lack thereof) is strongly affected by our implicit decision-making abilities.

 

And anyone interested in enhancing their financial condition just needs to refine their subconscious money habits.

 

However, you might be saying, “But habits take a LONG time to form.”

 

To be honest, I’m relieved to report that this is no longer the case – at least not now.

 

As you can see, there is a method for explicitly encoding “rich people patterns” into the subconscious – without spending months or years doing so.

 

And once you begin acting, thinking, and behaving in the manner of a wealthy individual…

 

…then the truth of your financial condition will eventually catch up with your habits.

>>> Relationships are working out for you? You’re probably looking in the wrong places. Check this out…

How To Build Confidence To Date The Girl You Want.

Confidence is important when dating (or even seducing) a woman. Women always associate “self-confidence” with “ability to succeed.” While many men assume that successful men attract women because they are more likely to gain more money, this is simply not the case.

Although it might seem obvious, women prefer successful men because they are more likely to be happy. So you’re still wondering what a happy man has to do with it. Allow me to demonstrate. Women understand that men who are happy with themselves are less likely to look for others to make them happy and are more secure.

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And in a relationship, this means a man is less likely to lie, change jobs often, or get himself into a variety of other potentially dangerous circumstances. Bear in mind that most women want a man who will be both their partner and their boyfriend.

They need a partner not only for companionship, decision-making, and financial matters but also in the bedroom. To effectively seduce a woman, you must make her feel as though you are on equal footing.

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When it comes to faith, it seems that there are two groups of people: those who possess it and those who lack it. Although this can seem to be true on the surface, everybody has the ability to be “self-assured,” or inspired, however, you prefer.

Take comfort in the fact that you’re a decent guy, intelligent, funny, good at your work, caring, considerate, or whatever other positive character traits you possess. It’s comforting to note that not all women strive to be CEOs or brain surgeons. They simply want a man who is confident in himself, his experience, and what he can bring to a relationship with them!

How To Flirt Effectively While Being Respectful.

Men and women flirt in different ways, for different motives, and with different expectations. However, if you ignore the result and flirt simply to be polite, you can open yourself up to new possibilities. You might find a new lover, but if that doesn’t work out, you might meet someone who becomes a good friend, and you never know who she might introduce you to. Maintain a flexible mindset.

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Give her a drink after you’ve shared looks and smiles around a room and you’re pretty certain she feels she’d like to hear more about you. But keep in mind that what you’re getting is a drink. Don’t expect her to come crashing down at your feet. It’s often enough to simply give someone a drink, watch as she accepts it and smiles, then look away, returning later to show your interest.

If you’re invited to her table, focus on the talk rather than on landing a date with her. Long before they go out with someone, most women want to know what kind of person they’re going out with. Before you go on a date, make an effort to get to know her and give her the opportunity to get to know you.

Never approach two women in the same party at the same time. No woman desires to be second best. Avoid addressing people in the same party one after the other. You tend to be a loser, and women can believe you are desperate for a port in a storm. And if you are, keep it hidden.

Make certain that every compliment you give to a woman is real. Nothing is more annoying than someone who uses a lot of exaggerated language. Everyone has something positive about them; take note of it and sincerely praise them.

Never place your hands on a woman without her permission. Some women are unconcerned with ‘touchy feely’ experiences, while others are appalled. Respect the person before you have had the chance to learn more about her. Touching can be a lovely flirty gesture, but it should be limited to the arms or resting the hand just above the arms before you learn more. By moving closer, watching the reactions, and then moving back a little to eliminate the hazard, you can measure the personal room.

Always be respectful of yourself. Women are often drawn to men who are only a little bit out of control. Avoid hovering, groveling, or acting desperate. Consider yourself special, and know that you are worthy of nothing but the best.

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4 Dating Disasters That Get Nice Dudes in Trouble in 2021

You’ve decided to meet for dinner. Things are going well, and you’ve noticed a stunning woman entering the restaurant. Your best bet right now is to look your date in the eyes and ask her a question about herself.

Do not, in any circumstances, look at the pretty woman and say something about how lovely she is or how nice she looks in her outfit! If you do so, you’ll almost certainly never see your date again.

This is only one example of the types of dating disasters that get nice guys into trouble, as well as how to stop them. Even the nicest guys tend to forget the simple rules we’ll discuss here from time to time, insulting and enraging perfectly good dates by mistake.

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• Disaster #1 The other sexy woman. Your date is adorable, intelligent, humorous, and pleasant to be around. She’s fantastic. If you’re out with her and see a woman who is incredibly desirable and sexy, you should concentrate on your date rather than on her.

This is difficult to do because men are physically stimulated and want to gaze at attractive women. Most women consider this an insult, particularly if they don’t know you very well. She’ll wonder if you’ll come back if your eyes wander.

You may as well plan on never having another date with the same woman if you spend too much time eyeing other pretty women, or even worse, mentioning other pretty women that you spy while on a date.

• Disaster #2 – You feel compelled to speak about your ex-wives or girlfriends.

Since they’re typically exes for a reason, this has the potential to be catastrophic. Your date is unlikely to care how much you despise your ex (or how much you love the one who got away), or about all the horrible things she did to you.

Your date isn’t your ex, and talking about the bad times would ruin the fun you might be having. Tell your psychiatrist about your worst nightmares. Exes should probably not be brought up unless you have children with an ex and your dating relationship is progressing to the point that you’d like her to meet your children. Until then, say as little as possible about it, and when the topic of past loves comes up, be kind and polite.

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• Disaster #3 – You decide to share your opinions on religion, abortion, politics, gun control, international policy, feminism, homosexuality, or some other sensitive issue.

A first date (or any date early in a relationship) is not the time to bring up subjects that are difficult for people to address. If you press the wrong buttons, the date will end sooner than expected. These topics become relevant later in a relationship, but they must be handled with care at first.

• Disaster #4 – On your first date, you plan to bring up the subject of sex.

Leave sex out of the discussion for a while if you’re looking for Mrs. Right for a long-term relationship. She wants to get to know you, and bringing up sex will lead her to believe that’s what you care about – even though that’s not the case. You’re in big trouble if that’s the case.

You must be mindful of the potential for disaster if you want to date successfully. You’ll be well on your way to a second, third, and fourth get-together once you’ve become aware of the issue.

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How To Be Romantic The Simple And Effective Way

So how do women like to be romanced? Some guys might not understand how to be romantic. For some women, romance is an open-ended gift that they would like to receive often. They may receive it as a love note, a love call, a surprise, or even a love kiss. These are all signs of romance, but it is good to know that not every woman has the same definition of romance. I like to be more intimate with a woman through a romantic gesture. More than anything I want to be considered a gentleman. These are just some of the basic principles that we all have to base our romantic gestures on.

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Everyone differs in romantic ideals, the same idea exists, but the best way to be romantic is simply to let ideas affect both of your emotions. First, know your partner’s idea of romance. If she like flowers, arrange a special romantic candlelight dinner, perfectly seeded with rose petals and candles. Use little romantic things like a walk on the beach, a sunset, safe drives, and quiet music, to enhance your time together. Make her the center of your world, and it’s a romantic gesture that you will all remember.

Now, add your own touch. Adding your own touch may sound easy, but actually, it takes thought. Take it slow, start with a candlelight setting, and pick an idea for your setting. A mountain scene, a beach, the curves of a grassy hill, the light of a dimly lit room, are all concepts for your setting. Placing a few candles at the top of a stem or using some darkroom technique to make your table look romantic will add the idea of romance.

When you have spent some time contemplating, write your own idea on a piece of paper. What are your favorite qualities about your girl? Use these ideas to create your own romantic moment at home. Write all the qualities you find attractive about your mate. And it doesn’t end there. You have to learn how to be romantic with your girlfriend for the rest of your life. Especially if you plan on making her your wife.

Use your experience to understand your girl. What do they like to do, what are their favorite places to go, and what is their favorite restaurant? If you share a mutual friend or if one of you has a knack for inspiring others, use that to your advantage. Everything helps.

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Dress for the occasion. This is not a one-off event. Every man must learn how to dress appropriately for opportunities that you are receiving. Don’t assume you know how to dress for a casual get to together with your girl. Keep your wardrobe options open. Not just a shirt and tie, when you are taking your girlfriend somewhere. Learn the occasion. Never overdress for an occasion. Try to be as casual as possible. With a little research and understanding of what she’s looking for in you, you can attain the best results.

Never compare your girlfriend with someone else. It sounds contradicting. She is your girlfriend because she is unique. There is no comparison. Don’t be jealous of other guys who are anxious to have a go at her. Women are self-concerned but men don’t realize that. It’s actually another form of seduction. They won’t admit it, but they want something that they haven’t seen before. And you can benefit from it if you play your cards right.

Be romantic, don’t just give flowers on a special occasion. Now and then you can do it delicately. But remember the flowers on a date are not as formal as a bouquet of roses, they are more like a frame around a room with a single flower inside. That is all you need. Not to impress but just to show that you care. You don´t have to spend a fortune on your girl for it to be a special occasion.

Put your own spin on the idea and have a few different ways of presenting it, this is the fun part! You’re now step one of many in a sometimes mysterious process of coming up with the unexpected. What happens next is either a simple smile from across the table, a shared laugh that adds up to the romantic moment, or a lighthearted conversation that starts with the words, “We’ve never done this before.”. Overall, women still love when you behave like a gentleman. If you need to know how to be romantic with your girlfriend, pay attention. She will tell you every chance she gets.

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